Are You a Bridezilla? Pre-Marriage Advice

Pre-wedding Advice for the Groom & Bride-to-Be
written by Linda White

Countless details beg your attention as you plan your special day, but taking care of yourself should be at the top of your to-do list. It will help you deal with stress while ensuring you’re at your creative peak and have the strength to avoid your worst temptations.

“When people get really stressed, their creative centre gets lost and they begin to panic – the fight or flight response,” says Michael Haggstrom, a psychotherapist who offers pre-marriage counselling in Calgary, Alberta.

Feeling on edge, tense, fatigued, worried or indecisive?

Those are all signs of stress. You may also find yourself procrastinating or giving into addictive behaviour, such as overeating or hardly eating at all.

When your fight or flight instincts kick in, take a deep breath. “Give yourself a break from the stresses and then go back and start to problem solve,” says Haggstrom.

Too often, couples consumed by all that needs to be done neglect themselves when they should, in fact, be scheduling more time for themselves – whether that means taking a walk or scheduling a massage. “You’ll be sharper and will waste less time,” says Haggstrom.

Tackle challenges instead of avoiding them

Worried about how to tell your mother you don’t want to wear her wedding gown, for example? Be up front while acknowledging her feelings, says Haggstrom. He suggests a conversation that goes something like this: “I know you’d like me to wear your wedding dress but I’ve decided to pick out my own dress. How can I help you feel honoured at my wedding in a way that would still be meaningful to us both?”

On the way to the altar, you and your fiancé will likely see the best and worst in one another, but use it as an opportunity to learn more about the love of your life. “You may discover your partner is a people pleaser, avoids conflict and gets angry when unable to solve a problem,” says Haggstrom.

“Rather than see everything under a negative light when their weaknesses come out, notice their humanity and appreciate it. See how you can learn to love them more in that space and problem solve together.”

Budget

Timing and budget are a few of the biggest stresses couples face when planning their nuptials, notes Alison McGill, editor in chief of Weddingbells magazine. “Depending on the size and type of wedding you are having, it takes a lot of time to plan and execute and some couples find that a big strain.” If that’s the case, she suggests hiring a wedding planner.

Budget is also a common stress because it can quickly spiral out of control. Set a magic number at the beginning of your wedding planning and stick to it, McGill advises. Determine your negotiables and non-negotiables and spend accordingly.

Celebrate

When it comes to coping with wedding day stress, McGill offers a simple tip: “Remember to keep the day in perspective and realize this is your party and you should enjoy it. Try to create an organized task list to keep planning on track and also don’t sweat the small stuff.

“Everything will get done and handled and chances are if there are a few things that don’t happen or go according to plan on you wedding day, only you will notice,” says McGill. “Your guests will be busy enjoying your great celebration and you should too.”

Bust your stress with one of the following:

1. Exercise, advises Christen Harvey of Bridal Bootcamp. “When we exercise, we release ‘feel good’ hormones called endorphins. Endorphins are responsible for zapping cortisol (the destructive stress hormone) and give you a natural high. This leaves you with more energy and a renewed spirit to keep on planning. It’s actually harder on your body and mind to not exercise in times of stress.”

2. Knead away your worries with a stress-melting massage.

3. Make like an upward facing dog and discover yoga. Its deep breathing brings more oxygen into the body, boosting the immune system and quieting the mind. As an added benefit, yoga’s breathing techniques will help you ward off jitters and tension on the big day.

4. Boost your self-esteem with beauty treatments. Book a facial. Test drive your wedding day makeup and hairstyle.

Stay connected

Finally, remember to team up with your partner every step of the way. Talk often and stay intimate throughout the process. Remember that the big wedding day is more than just pulling off a successful event. It’s about connecting and creating memories with your partner, ones that you will hopefully cherish for a lifetime.